There is absolute truth to the statement that a husband should love us for us, no matter what. They should. HOWEVER, why do women think it is ok to stop taking care of themselves after they have kids and are married? Young women too! I am not at all in the sense talking about those of us who gain weight... kids will do that and so will age I have learned. I am talking about those who do not bother to shower or put normal clothes on once in awhile, they don't have to be super dressy but maybe clean and a little stylish. I do not feel like it takes a whole lot of time to put in a little effort for your husband... take a shower, put some makeup on, maybe do your hair, or heaven forbid shave your legs! LOL. It really doesn't take much to show you made an effort for him, nor does it cost a whole lot. Put on the pair of sweat pants that he loves because it makes your butt look good... paint your nails because he said he likes it... or wear the perfume you know is his favorite. Also, I have kids so I know that there are times, especially with newborns where you are exhausted... not to mention those with twins, triplets, etc. That doesn't count... I am talking about just in general overall. It bothers me when people have an attitude that since they are married, they don't have to try for their husband anymore, and are annoyed that he would even want them to. But it pisses them off (pardon my language) when their husband tells them it bothers him. What?! I told Tony I want him to tell me when that happens... even if it might hurt my feelings a little, I would want to know if he was losing attraction towards me, and vice versa. Or what blows my mind is when women openly talk about withholding intimicy with their husband. I know for a fact, that these same women would probably leave their husband if they found them guilty of looking at another women, or having thoughts about another women. In all fairness, it would be wrong for them to. But how is that fair? We learned this in marriage counseling from our pastor BEFORE we even got married. Men (and women too) need to stay away from things that be of temptation... BUT, us as wives need to help them not have a reason to be fall into temptation. Also, our pastor even preaches on the topic once in awhile. Why would you not want to be the sexiest and most beautiful thing to your husband still after years of marriage? There is nothing I love more than the times my husband looks at me like he did back when we were first dating and married. I thrive on those moments. I want to be the person he fell in love with back in the day. I love looking at couples who have been together for years and years, and you can just see the passion and the spark there. Where he looks at his wife like she is the most beautiful thing he has ever laid eyes on. Now, I am sure if you asked them they would say it is work and there have been ups and downs for them too.
I am not an expert at marriage in any sense at all... and I mean AT ALL. In our eight years of marriage, we have had a lot of downs, and it is still a constant struggle to get it right. In fact, I tend to be a very selfish wife in a lot of ways... of course not on purpose, but I can admit I have selfish tendencies when it comes to some aspects. And I nag a lot... sometimes too much. I don't mean to! But one thing that I do try to do and he would say the same thing is trying to put effort in looking good for him. Now, men should do the same thing. If they want us to be looking good for them, then they need to put effort into it too. I am not going to lie when I say there have been times I have felt annoyed for putting effort into my appearance and not feeling that in return... just a few times. There are also times when I don't really like him much, so why does he deserve me or the effort? Come on.... you all have thought the same thing when you weren't happy with your man. I can't be the only one. :)
One thing that I am trying to get better at when it comes to Tony is trying to come up with cutesie things for him like I do my kids. I put a lot of thought and work when it comes to spending time and activities with my kids, but when it comes to Tony I am horrible. Of course, we have our date night and we go to dinner, but I am talking about the things that take effort and work. For example, I make signs for my kids when they get out of school for the summer. Not that Tony wants a sign, but just the fact of acknowledging things that are special to him and important and really making him feel like I am excited with him. So that is another goal for me. Thank goodness for Pinterest and their great ideas! HAHA.
A few years ago, I read a book called "Becoming the Women of His Dreams". It is written by a Christian author, named Sharon Jaynes. I bought it at a time where Tony and I were not doing so well and weren't happy with each other, and I could feel our marriage slipping through our fingers. It was a desperate attempt to make an effort in stepping up as a wife and finding out how I could better my part. The author surveyed hundreds of men asking them questions like "How would you describe the woman of your dreams", and "What do you wish your wife understood"? While some answers are common sense, others are very surprising. There is also a book for men focused on the needs that hundreds of surveyed women. It's a good read if anyone is every interested.
Anyways, just some things that have been on my heart lately. Man, people weren't kidding when they said blogging/journaling your thoughts can be therapeutic... lol!
Here is a picture of the book I was talking about:
